Internet Etiquette 101

Look, I’m a dork, OK.

I’ve used the internet as my primary source of entertainment and socializing for the past 20 years or so.  I know a thing or two about how to properly conduct yourself here on the interwebs, ya dig?

Before social media, there was mIRC, message boards and chat rooms. AOL, Yahoo, and MSN had messenger services that were like the DMs at the turn of the century.  Of course, back then, only dorks spent most of their time on the internet.  It wasn’t readily available at your fingertips the way it is now with smartphones and social media, therefore a lot of newbs (or n00bs, as we used to call them. Internet veterans were l33t, in comparison) come online and don’t know how to act.

So with that being said, I am here to provide a list of the 10 most annoying things people do on social media that need to stop but never will because people suck and are stupid and don’t understand how not to make it so clearly obvious through text that they suffer from serious and potential sociopathic tendencies among many other mental health issues.

Hi.

10. Excessive Lovey Dovey posts (immediately followed by deleted photos after breakup)

I get it.  I’ve been there before.  You in love.  Like love, love.  It’s all good and you just wanna tell the whole world about it.  Then a couple fights happen, and next thing you know someone done threw someone else’s clothes in the lawn, and so on, and so on.  I think a 6-month grace period should be implemented before any new couple is allowed to post a picture together.  This spares the couple any embarrassment of if everything falls through, and no one has to be bombarded with “this is what true love looks like” ass posts and selfies, followed by a random string of memes signifying how independent that person is all of a sudden.  The fact that this doesn’t do much to purposely bother other people is why it barely cracks the list, but just know that we remember.  People don’t forget shit that embarrasses other people.

Annoy-a-meter: 1/10

9.  Commenting on Someone’s Story to Disagree with Them

Posts are for commenting because they are sent out to your followers’ newsfeed.  Stories are for you to look at and keep your mouth shut about unless you’re gonna say something positive or encouraging.  You see, looking at a story means you are going out of your way to see what that person is doing/thinking.  No one is forcing you to click on a story.  If you don’t like what you see, don’t watch their stories anymore.  I’m sure the first thing anyone thinks when they get a negative response to one of their stories is “Who the fuck asked you, anyway?” and rightfully so.

Annoy-a-meter: 2/10

8.  Subliminal Shade

This is probably the most passive/aggressive form of being annoying online because most of the time, any issue could be sorted out by just addressing whoever the fuck you have a problem with directly.  Instead, most people find a meme with a quote that sheds light on a character flaw that strongly relates to a situation they have or are currently going through. At least that’s what happens in my case.  So I’m basically admitting this is one annoying trait I actually take part in.  See, self-awareness is why I can write about this type of stuff.

Annoy-a-meter: 3/10

7. Vague melodramatic posts followed by request for privacy

I actually haven’t seen this happen in a while but it’s so ridiculous that it has a certain standout level of annoyingness to it.  Stop me if you’ve seen this before…

Dumbass poster: “OMG, I can’t believe this is happening again!”

Normal Person: “Is everything okay? What happened?”

Dumbass poster: “I don’t really wanna talk about it publicly…”

Well then why the fuck did you bring it up publicly in the goddamn first place you imbecilic shit for brain having ass stupid mother fuickgingjjjan;ajksndgg

Hi.

Annoy-a-meter: 5/10

6.  Arguing in Comment Sections

One of the wisest things I’ve ever learned about the internet and handling stupid shit on here is that when you’re arguing with someone, you’re basically arguing with words on a screen.  Yeah, there’s someone behind that keyboard, but in the grand scheme of your own personal life, spending time in a back and forth debate with someone you don’t know, have never met, and will never meet EVER in your entire life should not extend past one reply or one response each, IF that.  There’s no point to it.  99% of the time you’re not gonna convince someone else of your point of view, and even if you did, so the fuck what? Y’all gonna go have a beer after?  And you just look stupid to everyone else reading it who isn’t involved once it gets past a certain point.

Words… on… a… screen.

Annoy-a-meter:  5/10

5.  Trolling

Ah, yes.  The one I hold near and dear to my heart.  I love trolling, I’m not gonna lie.  If I didn’t troll people, I’d have no point of using the internet because otherwise I’d be bored. Too many people either don’t post, or don’t really say anything outside of the normal “I gotta be professional online because someone who I work with or a family member I don’t want to offend might see this” type of every day jargon.  I like to throw a wrench into that whole system from time to time just because why the fuck not?  Now, there’s trolling for inciting some intellectual conversation, which is what I like to do, and then there’s trolling just to be disrespectful, which sucks.  People talk a lot of shit online because, going back to the “words on a screen” theory, there are no consequences for what you say to someone online.  Most of the time it’s some “geek in his mom’s basement” as the old insult goes, but there’s a lot of truth behind that.  It’s always the lamest, do-nothingest, pathetic, no life-having ass losers that say the most horrendous things to get a rise out of people because it somehow helps fill that miserable void in their soul.  The only reason this isn’t ranked higher is because by now, people should be able to tell when someone is trolling and once you start falling for the bait, it’s your own fault after that.  Ignoring and blocking trolls is a lot easier than becoming a victim of number 6.

Annoy-a-meter:  7/10

4.  Excessive Political or Religious Posts

“Man, I really hope someone incessantly forces their belief of either of the two most volatile topics in the history of the world upon me today.”

– Said absolutely not a single mother fucker ever in the history of the world

I understand a conversation here or there about it can and will happen, but there’s nothing to gain from arguing either of these things over an extended amount of time, unless all you want to do is get yourself riled up.  You WILL NOT change someone else’s view who believes in something different than you and they WILL NOT change yours.  Politics and religion are DESIGNED TO DIVIDE people.  That’s the whole fucking point of both of them and people just don’t seem to get it.

Annoy-a-meter8/10

3.  Repeated Blocking and Unblocking

Maybe I’m the only person who’s dealt with this on more than one occasion, but my instances are usually related to women who either went back to an ex or just handled hard situations by blocking people online.  Regardless, this is probably my personal biggest social media pet peeve.  I can’t even wrap my head around the thought process of this other than someone who is mentally unstable as fuck but really good in bed.  Wait, um… yeah.  Don’t do this.

Annoy-a-meter: 9/10

2.  Sending Unrequested Dick Pics

I had to limit this strictly to dick pics because I don’t think any man is going to be disgusted by receiving a random pic of a woman’s goodies.  But the fact that this ONLY happens to women and could easily be argued as the MOST annoying thing that occurs on social media speaks volumes to how unnecessary it is.  And for the guys who have ever sent a pic of their junk that wasn’t specifically asked for, be happy that’s not considered a misdemeanor at the very least.  Even slutty chicks don’t wanna see your junk unless they ask for it, man.  Do better, mother fuckers.  DO. BETTER.

Annoy-a-meter: 10/10

1.  Catfishing

This will always stand the test of time as the single most annoying thing anyone can ever do online.  You mean to tell me that you’re so lame and aware of said lameness that you are going to take a picture that belongs to someone else and pretend it’s you because that’s how ashamed of yourself you are?  Nothing else even needs to be said about this other than once you get caught, it’s an automatic lack of respect and any potential relationship is done.  Like have you ever heard of a marriage that started when someone sent a fake picture to their spouse?  Who breeds these idiots?

Annoy-a-meter:  10/10

 

Did I miss anything? Let me know…

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